The discourse on marriage has shifted radically. For thousands of years, marriage was not a choice, but an imperative—an almost inevitable rite of passage. However, in the modern era, we are witnessing a growing phenomenon: more and more individuals are consciously deciding not to marry. The video “DECIDING NOT TO MARRY, IS IT NORMAL?” on the Gembulikum channel highlights this question, examining marriage from biological, evolutionary, and social perspectives.
Is the decision not to marry truly a deviation? Or, as the video suggests, is it a “normal” and logical response to a world that has fundamentally changed? This article will reflect on these ideas with the support of relevant data and studies.
Why Marriage “Must” Exist
The video accurately identifies the roots of marriage in the concept of “parental investment.” This is not merely romantic sentiment; it is a species survival strategy.
Through the lens of evolutionary biology, humans are an anomaly. Our children are born extremely vulnerable and require an exceptionally long period of care—much longer than other primates. As mentioned in the video, women have historically borne almost the entire biological cost of reproduction: the risks of pregnancy, the danger of death during childbirth (which the video mentions had a 20% risk in the past), and the energy required for breastfeeding and raising children.
In a harsh world (a world of “mammoths” and ‘tigers’), a woman raising a child alone had a low probability of survival. This is where the “promise of fidelity” in marriage became important. Marriage is a social-utilitarian contract: men provide resources (protein, calories) and physical protection, while women guarantee the certainty of lineage and manage the investment of nurturing.
Without this pair-bonding, the human population would have struggled to grow. Marriage, in this framework, is a brilliant evolutionary adaptation to ensure the continuity of the next generation.
Three Modern Disruptions
The central question is: Do we still live in a world full of “mammoths”? The video argues that the relevance of marriage as a survival pact is beginning to fade. There are at least three major disruptions that support this argument.
- Medical and Technological Disruption The risks once borne by women have been drastically mitigated. Data from the WHO shows that global maternal mortality rates have fallen by about 34% between 2000 and 2020. Technologies such as cesarean sections, antibiotics, and neonatal care have transformed childbirth from a life-threatening gamble to a relatively safe medical procedure.
- Economic Disruption The greatest revolution has been women's economic independence. In many countries, women's participation in the workforce has skyrocketed. Data from the World Bank shows that globally, women now make up about 40% of the workforce. When women are no longer economically dependent on men for survival, the function of marriage as a “breadwinner contract” loses its urgency.
- Sexual Disruption As discussed in the video, the discovery of modern contraception separated two things that had previously been inseparable: sexual activity and reproduction. For the first time in human history, sex can be a recreational activity or a means of forming emotional bonds without the consequences (or “risks”) of pregnancy. This has paved the way for the childfree phenomenon and called into question the primary purpose of marriage, which has traditionally centered on procreation.
The Happiness Paradox
The video touches on a crucial sociological phenomenon: the shift from communal (species) happiness to individual happiness. This is known as the Demographic-Economic Paradox.
Historically (as in the poor countries mentioned in the video), having many children was a form of compensation for suffering as well as a social safety net in old age. However, study after study shows an inverse correlation between the Human Development Index (HDI) and birth rates. The richer, safer, and more educated a population is, the lower its birth rate.
The countries mentioned in the video, such as Japan and Switzerland, are perfect examples. In Japan, data from the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research (IPSS) shows a sharp increase in shōgai mikonritsu (lifetime single rate). In many OECD countries, single-person households are the fastest growing demographic.
This is not because these people have “failed” to find a partner. It is because the paradigm of success has shifted. When basic needs (shelter, food, security) are met by the state and one's own capabilities, people's focus shifts to the top of Maslow's pyramid: self-actualization. If marriage and children are not in line with the goal of self-actualization (career, passion, personal peace), then neither is pursued.
Marriage Is No Longer Destiny
The video ends with a discussion about religion and morality. However, regardless of the lens used, data in the field shows an undeniable trend: the de-institutionalization of marriage.
Marriage is not “falling apart” or “failing.” It is evolving.
It is transforming from a necessity for survival into a choice for psychological fulfillment. People who choose to marry in the modern era no longer do so out of fear of being hunted down by “mammoths” or starving to death. They marry because they seek emotional connection, equal partnership, and shared happiness—a standard that, ironically, is much higher and more difficult to achieve than the standards of marriage in the past.
So, to answer the question in the video: “Is it reasonable to decide not to marry?”
Based on social, economic, and medical data, the answer is: Yes, it is very reasonable. It is a rational response from individuals living in the safest, most prosperous, and most individualistic world in human history. Choosing not to marry is not a failure to follow the script of life, but rather a declaration that the individual now has the luxury to write their own script.
Several references used in the article:
